Again I am confronted with the notion that sometimes things are hard, and often there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Then other times, you just have to keep going.
This is something I learned during a Teepee ceremony with Navaho shamans several years back and it has proven to be the driving force behind the phoenix life I live. Up and down and back again. I feel like i've been walking through the underworld and I am just stepping back into the light. It's been a weird trip of personal struggle but I have to say, that having this routine and workout in my life has been very helpful to keep me grounded and focused.
I'm at the stage where my workouts are getting harder. I've come to the serious conclusion that it doesn't matter what shape you are in, working out is HARD WORK!!!! Damn.
There are times where i'm almost reduced to tears from the muscle burn in a certain concentrated sessions. I have to focus on my weak spots, the places that really don't want to bear weight - like my hamstrings and my deltoids. Yikes. My hamstrings flat out are revolting and crying out saying they want nothing to do with this nonsense. They are perfectly happy as they are and don't want to change. It's a constant process, an unrelenting give and take between what I want from my body and what it is willing to give. Joe, my amazing trainer, told me that weight lifting is like a dance. You don't struggle with it. He made the analogy that you don't go on to the dance floor and be all awkward, strained and pushy. You go out there and have a fluidity in motion with your surroundings. Same thing with lifting. What a great metaphor for the rest of life too, though.
That simple idea has made me aware of myself in a very specific way when I lift and workout. I am aware of my tensions and my resistance towards certain things far better than i was before and this awareness seems to be leaking into the rest of my life. These photos were actually taken 2 weeks ago and I had just finished moving and being transitory and all over the place. I had been trying my best with the diet but when things are crazy it's just plain difficult to take care of yourself. In the wise words of my trainer, he reminded me that every one has their share of crap to deal with, no matter what it is. There's always things that make taking care of ourselves difficult, but that's what I signed up for. This is forcing me to take the time, to reflect, to actually turn my eyes inwards and see what I am doing for and to myself. I do have time and I can make changes to take care, to eat right and to make the foods that I need to be strong and healthy. Truth is, we all do. I am guilty party #1 in neglecting myself when I'm stressed, over worked, etc. etc. But the fact is, that's when your body needs taking care of the most.